


Official Phantom Thieves™ Chat but its a bunch of randomness

by Avarice06



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, More characters to be added, and a bunch of headcanons, chatroom fic, considering adding the p3 and p4 squads, full of weird random shit, idk yet, plot? maybe?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 05:56:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14302281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avarice06/pseuds/Avarice06
Summary: Um, title kinda says it all. I had a bunch of like vastly different headcanons that I originally was going to put in the pegoryu fic. But some of them (well almost all) didn't feel appropriate so I'm dumping them here. So uh, this is probably a good chance for people to see just wtf goes on in my head.Enjoy your stay and please remember, I'm not responsible for anything (well ok maybe a couple things).We're starting off on the day the team visit Yusuke and like you know Morgana finds the door and whatnot.





	1. Oh? the beginning to hell? yea it definitely is

_ May 17th _

_ 5:59pm _

 

**Official Phantom Thieves™**

 

**Joker:** Ann, your sacrifice for the team in persuading this man is invaluable

**Joker:** You will be missed

**Panther:** hey!! no!! i did not agree to doing this thank you!!

**Skull:** its kinda unavoidable at this point

**Skull:** ill make sure to bring like a shit ton of cake to your funeral service 

**Joker:** Wait no, get those crepes from that one shop she fancies way too much

**Joker:** The one that makes her forget she’s on a diet

**Panther:** ok first off, i’m not sure that’s technically something you could do?...

**Panther:** second, rude much

**Joker:** Bite me.

**Panther:** look i may be bi, but i wouldn’t go completely straight for you

**Skull:** D A M N

**Joker:** Excuse you, I’m pretty sure I could make any gay go straight for me

**Skull:** thats cutting it a little close man…

**Joker:** Oh hush, you’re not one to talk

**Skull:** same goes to u youre dating a dude

**Skull:** said dude would be me 

**Joker:** Shit you right 

**Joker:** But I still stand by the fact that I can make any gay go straight for me

 

~~

 

 “Ouch! Hey! Don’t swat your damn paws at me, your claws hurt,” Morgana simply glared(?) at me.

 “I get that you and the guys like to talk about random stuff, but in the official chat?” I shrugged in response which earned an exasperated sigh from the cat(?).

 “Should I make a new chat then?” Morgana nodded before swatting another paw at me. “Hey I get it, don’t need to be so pissy with me, I’ll make it tomorrow.”

 “Fair enough, I’m sure what happened today with Yusuke has made you tired, you should go to sleep.”

 “STOP ACTING LIKE MY MOM FOR FUCKS SAKE.”

 

~~

 

_ May 18th _

_ 2:37pm _

 

_ Akira Kurusu added Ryuji Sakamoto and Ann Takamaki to the group. _

 

_ The group name has been changed to “ _ **Official Normies™** _ ”. _

 

**Akira Kurusu:** Ok

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** da hell is this for?

**Akira Kurusu:** If you could sit on your tight little ass and be a bit more patient please ty

**Ann Takamaki:** d a m n rekt

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** sorry baaaaaaaaabe

**Akira Kurusu:** Anyways, Morgana swatted his damn cat paws at me for the convo in the Official Phantom Thieves™ chat last night so I made this to shut his fucking mouth 

**Akira Kurusu:** Now if he can stop pestering me to go to sleep at like fucking nine at night I will have years added to my life

**Ann Takamaki:** yet you still listen to him?

**Akira Kurusu:** To protect this handsome face yes I do listen to him

**Akira Kurusu:** Idk about you but I don’t want claws on my face ty

**Ann Takamaki:** touche 

**Akira Kurusu:** Now y’all can talk about whatever the hell you want but please 

**Akira Kurusu:** If I see anything about vore I’m booting you out of the Phantom Thieves

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** HYE I THOUGHT I APOLOGIZED FOR SHOWING U THAT

**Akira Kurusu:** Apology rescinded

**Ann Takamaki:** i’m not even gonna ask how fucked that is

**Akira Kurusu:** It took years off my life that’s all you need to know

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** im sorryyyyy ill make it up to u by taking u out to dinner?

**Akira Kurusu:** HOLY- Ryuji, you don’t have to destroy your wallet by doing that

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** but i want to make it up to u

**Akira Kurusu:** Just come over on the weekend and binge watch like Naruto or Jojo’s with me and we’ll call it even

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** now that i can do but im buying a shit ton of snacks 

**Akira Kurusu:** Fine

**Ann Takamaki:** before you guys turn into major weebs 

**Ann Takamaki:** we’re going in tomorrow right?

**Akira Kurusu:** That’s the plan, Ryuji if you’re late because you overslept again so god help me I will go over to your house, fucking hide in the damn closet and pop out when it’s exactly 6am and scream “BIG GAY IS HERE”

**Ann Takamaki:** akira, please stop being so extra

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** i wont be late to anything tomorrow!! promise 

**Akira Kurusu:** You fucking better or I’m sending Morgana after your ass

**Akira Kurusu:** “Don’t send me over to that ape’s place!” - Morgana

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** feeling attacked right now

**Akira Kurusu:** That’s you everyday when it comes to Morgana

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** BABE NO he needs to learn to shut his damn mouth

**Akira Kurusu:** “He needs to learn to stop being a little bitch about everything” - Morgana

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** EFF U TOO MORGANA

**Ann Takamaki:** as much as i like this entertainment, i’m gonna go eat, cry while doing homework for a couple hours, and then sleep

**Akira Kurusu:** Honestly me too Ann

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** big mood coming from ann rn

**Ann Takamaki:** nite boys!!

**Akira Kurusu:** “Good night Lady Ann!” - Morgana

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** and then there were two

**Akira Kurusu:** Technically three

**Akira Kurusu:** Oh wait, Morgana left, said he doesn’t want to witness something nasty again

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** good call props to him for once

**Akira Kurusu:** Ah fuck he’s back, he juked me

**Akira Kurusu:** I should be doing the homework too…

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** if youre doing the homework than call me

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** itll make things easier for both of us

**Akira Kurusu:** Alright

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** should prob tell morgana to bug off

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** things are about to get nasty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Akira Kurusu:** Oh you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neglected to proof read cause I am tired so excuse me
> 
> Hit me up on the good ol' social media if ya want me to update faster.  
> Instagram: @ric3c00k3r  
> Twitter: @avarixa06


	2. madarame can suck it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira Kurusu: The conversation ended with Ryuji saying  
> #1 Akira Fucker: “and then he shoved his.... rectangle? in her triple sided pooper scooper”  
> gold hoe: omfg

_May 19th_

_6:04pm_

 

**Official Normies™**

**Akira Kurusu:** I’d just like to point out

 **Akira Kurusu:** Madarame’s palace can go suck a dick

 **Akira Kurusu:** The paintings part annoyed me

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** tho it was funny when that octopus smacked u out

 **Akira Kurusu:** That octopus was a dick that’s what

 **Ann Takamaki:** all the gold when we reached that door... made me sick

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** oh really? looked to me u were thinking how much cake u could buy with that much gold

 **Akira Kurusu:** Even Morgana agrees

 **Ann Takamaki:** i am not a gold hoe tyvm

_Ann Takamaki was changed to gold hoe._

**Akira Kurusu:** You are now

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** EADSJB babe please

 **gold hoe:** fuck you too akira

 **Akira Kurusu:** Sorry, that’s Ryuji’s job

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** BHDS IM-

_Ryuji Sakamoto was changed to #1 Akira Fucker._

**#1 Akira Fucker:** WTF BABE

 **Akira Kurusu:** But it’s true

 **gold hoe:** plz go be gay somewhere else

 **Akira Kurusu:** You don’t want us talking about our raging hormones?

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** BABE PLZ

 **gold hoe:** yes, i get enough of that whenever i’m with you guys anyway

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** as much as i want to stay here and be gay with u just to piss off ann

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** im tired as hell from today

 **Akira Kurusu:** Go sleep

 **gold hoe:** nite ryuji!!

 **gold hoe:** i think i’m gonna hit the hay too

 **Akira Kurusu:** Ok but before you go

 **gold hoe:**?

 **Akira Kurusu:** Were you really thinking about how much cake you could buy when we reached the big ass door?

 **gold hoe:**... yes ...

 **Akira Kurusu:** YOU OWE ME MY $20 RYUJI

 **gold hoe:** you guys made a bet on that??

 **gold hoe:** you both are ridiculous

~~

_May 20th_

_6:15am_

**Official Normies™**

**#1 Akira Fucker:** GOD DAMMIT

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** i dont got 20 bucks to give u rn man

 **Akira Kurusu:** I mean, I could accept something else

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** um

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** like what exactly?

 **Akira Kurusu:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I take bribes you know

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** OH IM- ok deal

 **gold hoe:** it’s not even 7am yet and you both are already being super gay

 **Akira Kurusu:** I’m sorry you have to deal with an overly gay man like myself Ann

 **gold hoe:** as long as you don’t go describing wtf you two do when you’re alone than i can tolerate you both

 **Akira Kurusu:** Well there was this one time where me and Ryuji were done doing the dirty and started to talk about like a writer writing smut for the first time

 **Akira Kurusu:** But they can’t describe the sex scene well

 **gold hoe:** and how did that go?

 **Akira Kurusu:** The conversation ended with Ryuji saying

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** “and then he shoved his.... rectangle? in her triple sided pooper scooper”

 **gold hoe:** omfg

 **gold hoe:** you know i’m pretty sure that’s true for some people out there

 **Akira Kurusu:** That was probably the funniest night of pillow talk we ever had

~~

_May 20th_

_7:27pm_

**Official Normies™**

_Akira Kurusu added Yusuke Kitagawa to the chat._

**Akira Kurusu:** Ok, so this is the other chat

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** And you all use this for things outside of the Phantom Thieves?

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** yea basically

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** oh this is ryuji

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I’m...not going to ask.

 **Akira Kurusu:** It’s cause we’re dating and that’s his job

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Makes sense...

 **gold hoe:** i’m ann, don’t ask about mine plz

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Alright, I will not ask then.

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** ok ive been dying to ask

 **Akira Kurusu:** Ryuji no

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** u got the tail and crap

 **Akira Kurusu:** RYUJI NO

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** yusuke u a type of furry?

 **gold hoe:** ryuji!!

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** ‘Furry’? I’ve heard that term before but... what is that?

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** should i elaborate

 **Akira Kurusu:** NO

 **gold hoe:** absolutely not

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** alright then

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** its best u dont know yusuke

 **Akira Kurusu:** Does that logic make Ann a furry too?

 **gold hoe:** NO

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** i see it

 **gold hoe:** IM NOT A FURRY

_gold hoe was been changed to Furry gold hoe._

**Furry gold hoe:** EXCUSE ME NO

 **Akira Kurusu:** Too late, you’re keeping it till I feel like changing it

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** what about u bro

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** what are u gonna call urself?

 **Akira Kurusu:** Hmm...

_Akira Kurusu was changed to Biggest Gay._

**Biggest Gay:** Good?

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** ITS PERFECT ILY

 **Biggest Gay:** I love you too

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** This is only coming from someone who has known you for less than a day but, the name does suit you very well.

 **Biggest Gay:** Why thank you Yusuke

 **Furry gold hoe:** i never thought he would agree

 **Biggest Gay:** Same here, but that does give me an idea

_Yusuke Kitagawa was changed to Gay?._

**Biggest Gay:** Are you ok with that?

 **Gay?:** Honestly, I wonder about that myself.

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** WAIT WHAT

 **Furry gold hoe:** holy shit

 **Biggest Gay:** Yusuke, as a fully gay man

 **Biggest Gay:** If you did swing that way I would totally try to score with you

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** i cant even be mad at that cause i would too

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** we should just call you the representative art ho

_Gay? was changed to Representative art ho._

**Biggest Gay:** It has been done

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** YES

 **Representative art ho:** I will go along with this.

 **Representative art ho:** Now as much as I would love to stay and chat with you all, I must be going, I have a project due in a few days that I would like to make more progress on.

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** oh shit its already that late

 **Furry gold hoe:** yea i’m off too

 **Biggest Gay:** Ryuji call me, let’s just spend the night singing various anime theme songs

 **#1 Akira Fucker:** hell im down

 **Furry gold hoe:** nite guys!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OwO? What's this?  
> It is currently almost 5:30am as I am posting this but I was way too into writing this to stop.  
> Neglected to proof read so yea but hoped you enjoyed!
> 
> Social media:  
> Instagram: @ric3c00k3r  
> Twitter: @avarixa06


End file.
